Living Intentionally: Making Friends with All of Yourself

“We can spend our lives battling the parts of ourselves that challenge us or we can acknowledge them and, maybe even, accept their presence.”

Oh anxiety. She has been an ever present passenger in my life. One that has pushed her way into every asset of my life–motherhood, body image, work, school, home, marriage, travel, daily living–she is always there. While sometimes her voice is quiet, other times her presence is so forceful that I can physically feel her within my body–my chest is her favorite place of residence; here she likes to tighten my body, making my breath short and constricted.

Yet, I know her goal isn’t to do me harm. She cares for me and wants good things to happen to me. She wants me to be successful, to reach all my goals, and to be in relationship with the people I love. 

Meditation encourages us to find neutral acceptance. We are asked to notice without judgment. In our practice, thoughts, feelings and sensations arise continuously and we are simply meant to witness them without attachment.

We all have parts of us that we like more than others. Sometimes there are even aspects of us that we would like to eradicate entirely. Often my anxiety falls into that latter category. At times when her hold on me feels unbearably firm, I think about what life would be like without her. I wish that I could will her away by simply choosing to be another way (how often I tried to be someone I wasn’t in my youth).

Yet, she has been a faithful companion for almost four decades of my life. Few friendships are that longlasting. Even when I ignore her or push her away or curse her existence, she doesn’t go anywhere. I choose to think it’s because she loves me.

We can spend our lives battling the parts of ourselves that challenge us, the passengers that we wish would hop off the train and leave us alone, or we can acknowledge them and maybe even accept their presence. At best, we can thank them and befriend them, even if that means saying, “thank you for trying to help me. Thank you for caring for me. I’ve got this, though.”