The “Get To” Attitude: How Language Can Change Your Outlook

So often I fall into the trap of bemoaning my life. I have to water my plants, I have to do the dishes, I have to complete this work project, I have to put my kids to bed, etc, etc. So many chores and responsibilities that I “have to” do; it’s exhausting.

When I operate from an attitude of “have to,” everything is harder. Watering my plants goes from something simple to something I dread–because when our lists of “have to’s” are so long, even the smallest tasks feel weighty.

“all my responsibilities are tied to a blessing”

On days when I notice myself feeling both overwhelmed and irritated by all the duties that lie ahead of me, I practice a shift in language, changing “have to” to “get to.” I get to water my plants because I have time and resources to care for life that beautifies my home and purifies its air. I get to do dishes because we have food to eat. I have a home, I have children, I have a job–all my responsibilities are tied to a blessing.

What shifting “have to” to “get to” does:

Changes our perspective

Our language defines our experience. What we speak and how we speak makes up much of our reality. Even the exact same words can have dissimilar meanings when spoken differently–”thanks a lot” can be spoken with sincerity or sarcasm–and the way we respond, or at least how we feel, differs depending upon the language used.

The same is true of how we speak to ourselves. When we voice our responsibilities with a tone of disdain or reluctance, we feel bothered by our never-ending list. Alternately, when we shift our perspective to one of gratitude, the tasks we need to accomplish feel less like burdens.

Fosters a feeling of gratitude

Being intentional about how we speak gives us the opportunity to emphasize gratitude. Research reminds us of the benefits that being grateful has on our overall health. When we shift our language, we highlight the gift behind each obligation.

Grocery shopping becomes having enough money to buy food. Cleaning our house becomes having shelter. Doing laundry becomes having clothes to wear. Suddenly my to-do list is an indication of the abundance in my life.

“Suddenly my to-do list is an indication of the abundance in my life.”

Makes our load lighter

Of course our list of responsibilities isn’t actually lightened by a simple shift in words, but our mental weight is lessened. When we reside in the emotional space of burden, we feel encumbered and we see everything as an added load. Our brains are primed to see what we want to see, and confirmation bias results in our giving greater importance to information that supports our beliefs.

When we feel like our lives are stressful and exhausting, and then use language that implies each task we face is an imposition, we give ourselves further evidence to support that outlook. When we actively and intentionally change our words to present a view that doesn’t support that narrative, we remove fuel from the flame.

The Takeaway

Sometimes we get caught in a negativity trap. Our lives feel overwhelming and all we can do is focus on everything that we “have to” do. Even the smallest tasks frustrate us because they are yet another task on an endless to-do list. Yet, we can shift our language, and consequently shift our mindsets. Choosing to practice an attitude of “get to” helps us change our perspective, center gratitude, and ultimately move through our days with more lightness.

What do you “get to” do today?