I've been really bad at keeping up with my blog lately. Life has been crazy. Henry has been fussy and needy as he gets more curious and aware of the world around him. He wants daytime to start after his 1am feeding and is definitely up and awake by 5am. Max got sick and had to be hospitalized and is currently having to be force feed and administered meds (which he doesn't enjoy). Derek and I (and my mom while she was in town) are spending every free moment packing for our big move in less than a month, and, I took on more teaching than I probably should have.
I have so many things I want to write on here, including a "Buying for Baby" blog that I started weeks ago and have yet to finish. I may not get to them as quickly as I'd like, but I will at some point. For today, I will simply write a quick post about the lens through which I am viewing my life these days. Each day I am dancing through life. I am dancing with my boys and with all my responsibilities. It's a give and take and a constant balancing act.
In this post, however, I want to focus on my dance with Henry. In this dance with my son, he leads. Sometimes we step on each other's feet or take a misstep, but we keep going, moving together, sometimes in perfect sync and other times trying to catch up with each other. As we strive to be in harmony, I trust him to lead us both. For me, it's more important for him to know that I'm always here for him than for him to follow a schedule that I set for him. He may not be sleeping through the night or even sleeping in his own bed. He may breastfeed every half hour. He may demand to be held most of the day. I could force him to follow my lead. I could demand that I choose the dance and the song, but for now, I trust that his choices are the right ones. We will continue to learn from each other and become better dance partners, and in the meantime, I will appreciate all that he has taught me about dancing through life.
He has taught me so much about letting go of the lead, about following the music, and going with the flow of the dance. I have never been someone who easily dances through life. I want structure, am frequently anxious, and am often impatient. When I saw my family this week, they were floored by how much Henry has changed me. They said I was more patient and calm than ever before. I owe that to my son, my dance partner, my leader, my teacher. As I follow his lead, and dance to his beat, I am transforming into a much better dance partner and person. So for now, I will continue to dance through life, striving to accept the ebbs and flows with ease and grace, and learning from my precious partner.