Pregnancy is hard. Anyone who tells you otherwise is either lying, lucky, or has selective memory. Don't get me wrong, of course there are many wonderful parts to pregnancy and I am so glad that I am able to carry my own child. Aside from the obvious upsides of being pregnant, like feeling your baby move, bringing life into the world, and having an incredible connection with your child that no one else will ever know, there are some other benefits like: maternity clothes (the regular fashion world is behind--why do we zip and button our pants when we can have awesome pull up pants that stretch over a growing belly!?), not having to worry about sucking in after a meal, and getting to jump to the front of the line in the bathroom (if people are nice). But, this post is to tell you that pregnancy is hard.
I think as mothers we often feel guilt for admitting that fact. I don't want others to think I don't love my child. I don't want to be insensitive to those who can't concieve. And, I definitely don't want my son to think I dislike this time in our lives. But, pregnany is hard. I am right on the border of entering my third trimester and it definitely feels like whatever "honeymoon stage" I had is over. I didn't think I had a honeymoon stage until now, and then all of a sudden, I'm looking back with envy on these last few weeks. I feel heavy, uncomfortable, and weaker. When I sit my boobs and belly merge in a way that makes it difficult to breathe. When I recline on my back I feel heavy, dizzy, and uncomfortable. When I lie on my side, my belly weighs me down and I have to strain every time I want to switch sides.
Henry has moved from my bladder (which again I moaned about until now) to my ribcage and stomach area making it difficult to breathe and giving me a taste of my first trimester nausea again. It's as if someone has punched me in the stomach and simultaneously knocked the wind out of me.
When I want to stand up from the ground or bend down I have to widen my legs into a squat position and today I pulled a muscle trying to demonstrate a yoga move (plow) to a beginning student. I spent the evening trying to maneover myself into a position on my yoga ball that made breathing and watching television possible at the same time. Pregnancy is hard.
Arguably the worst part is knowing that I am only going to get bigger. I still have 13 more weeks (and of course I don't want Henry to get here sooner for his sake), he and I both have a lot more growing to do, and at the end of that time I have to give birth to a baby that might have his father's head!!! Then, I have to deal with the joys of postpartum all while being sleep deprived and learning to be a mom for the first time!
Here's where I have to stop myself. It's easy to get on a roller coaster of emotions. It's easy to start to fear what will happen next. To worry about whether I can handle the remainder of my pregnancy. To dread labor. To be scared that I won't be a good mom or that we won't be prepared as parents. To be anxious about how our lives will change and how we will handle it. But, I can't control that. Yes, pregnancy is hard and it's okay to admit that. It's perfectly fine to complain and moan and grown. BUT, I also owe it to myself to keep myself in check. Trusting that I am capable and strong. I may not feel it at times, but I can do this just like generations of women have done before me. I don't have to have all the answers, and don't have to enjoy every moment of my pregnancy. The best I can do is take it one day at a time. Acknowledging that pregnancy is hard and then believing that I am absolutely able. I am Henry's mother and he is my son. We were paired for a reason and that alone is enough to give me faith that I will endure.